Children of the Plains

I've been seeing all these ads for ABC's Children of the Plains. And I wanted to watch it so bad! But this past weekend, we were so busy! I knew I wouldn't be home. Thank goodness for DVRs.

I finally got to watch this special, last night. And I cried. I cried like no other! What a sad, sad story. I can't believe people still live like this. I shouldn't be that surprised. For years, Patrick and I, lived in a southwestern border town. We saw so much poverty. Poverty that you'd expect to see in another country. Right here.

Patrick and I also worked at the "Community Hospital." It wasn't unusual to see patients, who couldn't afford basic healthcare. Heck, lots of them couldn't afford food. I remember one family in particular. Their daughter had broken her arm at school. It was a pretty bad break. Her parents and siblings were staying the night with her. We had managed to get her a private room. Brought in some blankets and pillows. Our surgery was scheduled for early the next morning. Something like 3 or 4 in the morning.

But what I remember was, dinner. We had just gotten them into their room. I didn't understand them. At the time, I barely understood Spanish. The little girl was on some pain meds. And didn't want to eat. Her little sisters quickly jumped at the idea of eating her dinner. There were 3 of them.

When I came back, to check our patient, I couldn't help but notice, the older siblings looked hungry. The entire tray was completely cleaned. I wondered out to the hallway. And I found a diet aide. Asked if we had any extra trays. Which is normal for the peds units. We get lots of kids who don't want to eat. Usually because of the treatment that they're getting. We found 5 trays that hadn't even been delivered. And we took them to the room.

Not only that, but I brought in a few fruit plates. This family was so excited. They ate. Shared everything together. And the little bit of food that was left over, the mom neatly packed it up. And asked if there was a place she could save it. This was the first time I'd really seen "real hunger."

Patrick and I were both working this case. And Patrick knows Spanish. After the kids were all asleep, the dad came out to talk to Patrick. He was seriously worried. Worried that he couldn't pay the bill. But he knew that his daughter needed the help. Worried about how much he'd owe for the meal, that his family had just had. Worried that  he wouldn't be able to pay for the follow-up care, that we knew would be needed.

We all felt bad. Patrick guaranteed this man, that we'd do everything we had to. To make his daughter 100% again. After all of that, the medical bills would be dealt with. We'd help him find a way. All the food, don't worry, we'd find a way to account for that. He believed us. And Patrick was on his way, to find a way, to make this work.

Hours later, the surgery was a success. We'd also had contacted a local donor to the hospital. Who agreed to take care of the bill. And the team, we got together, and found the family some help. You see, most of us were residents. We all lived in tiny apartments, with 5-6 figure debt, and little money. I went into this a while back. But we wanted to make a difference.

We contacted some builders, and volunteered our time. We spoke to donors, and collect food.  Less than 6 months, after this little girl's surgery, the family, and many people from the hospital, were building a new house. This large family, had shared a 2 bedroom home. With dirt floors, a leaky roof, and no insulation in the walls.

With a communities help, we got this family going. A new home. 3 bedrooms. Nothing crazy or fancy. But it was functional. Had a working stove, heating, walls, floors, it was safe. Lots of people came together. We were making a difference. And it felt good.

The sad part is, this is just one story. One family. One patient. In a sea of people. In a community were poverty is commonplace. We lived in a community were kids didn't go to school, because they couldn't afford supplies. And uniforms. A place were kids only ate at school. Where you'd see parents working 2 jobs a piece, but still couldn't afford electricity and food. When temperatures dipped, people didn't know what to do.



This special, it just brought everything flooding back. To those days. When I'd see poverty daily. When your heart broke, just because of the people you met. When you knew, you were doing everything you could. But somehow, it felt like it wasn't enough. It was tough.

I applaud ABC. Their work on this, was phenomenal! I don't think people realize, just how much poverty is right here. Here in the USA. Not just in Mexico, or Africa. But right here. In our country. Our children are going hungry. Our citizens, are barely surviving. This story, about these amazing children, just broke my heart. There has to be a way, to make communities like this, prosper. We need to find a way, to truly help these people. To make a real difference in their lives.

Serenity

Immediately, this prayer came to mind. Patrick and I, came out to Tennessee. Our good friend, and her baby, have been through so much! It pains me so. My heart just breaks for them. Both of them. To have gone through so very much, so much hurt and pain. I don't really want to go through all of it. I think you should read the story from Hillary, herself.

Recently, a colleague of ours, contacted Patrick. If he'd be interested in this surgery. We all agreed. It was for such a good reason. I called my parents. And they agreed, to come and stay with our kids. For about a week. Because Hillary needs us. Plans were made. And here we are, in Tennessee.

The surgery was completed. A complete success. Complicated and long. But successful. Patrick and Dr. Sam were the lead surgeons. I sat with Hillary and her brother. As we were updated, I would explain to them exactly what was going on. I tried to keep my friend distracted. To keep her mind off of what was going on. I did everything that I could, to be a good friend. A comfort. A solid support.

Baby C is now doing well. Actually, better than expected. Which is such a relief. My friend and her baby girl, deserve such a good life. To be healthy. To be happy. I want that for them. For these amazing souls. I've only known for just under a year. But I swear to you, I feel like we've known each other for a lifetime!

This prayer, was just perfect. As an MD, we are trained to think,that we can do it all. We should be able to fix every problem, that comes our way. Every single time. But in reality, we know that we're just human. Not every situation is fixable. It's unfortunate. Heartbreaking.

The Serenity Prayer, was the one prayer, that I had hanging in my locker. The very first day that I worked at the hospital. At the beginning of every shift, I read it. And at the end of every shift, I read it again. It's the one thing, that gave me courage, when I was full of fear!

Yesterday's surgery, required courage, wisdom, and serenity. We all pray that Baby C will heal. Completely. That she will have the same chances in life, that my own kids have. I pray that God gives grace, wisdom, and patients to my friend. Most of all, I pray that God gives my friend strength. This is a long road that she's on. She needs all of our strength, love, and prayers. Please say an extra prayer, for this beautiful family.

Welcome Back!

I didn't realize how crazy, "Back to School" would be. Patrick works 100+ hours a week. And I respect that. He's providing for us. And this job, it's something that the 2 of us talked, at length, about. I especially love, that Patrick works so hard Monday-Friday, so that he has Saturday and Sunday off. Just so he can spend time with our kids and me.

With that, comes a lot of responsibility for me. Yes, we're lucky. I get to call on some help. From time to time, I call a friend/babysitter. Who helps with my kids. If I'm busy with work, or have a lot of things, I can call for some help. It doesn't happen much. But when I need the help, I can get it.

The last few weeks have been crazy! I've been so busy. We now have 3 kids in school. That's 3 teachers to meet. 3 Parent-Teacher Conferences. 3 groups of parents. Thankfully, only 1 PTA. Which now, I'm a big part of! I didn't see that coming. But I was elected. And I'm going to look at that, as being a blessing. Oh, and I'm the "Class Parent" for all 3 of these classes.

Count to 10. I need to breathe. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I'm feeling like a bad parent. A bad mommy. I know that I shouldn't. But it's just the way life is. I question these things, when life gets tough. We've had so much going on. I know that Patrick feels bad. He wants to be around for all these events. But he has to work.

Earlier, when I was putting Daniella down for a nap, she hugged me. So tight. And kissed me. Whispered in my ear, "Mommy, I wuv you." In that second, I knew all of this. was well worth it! I'm going to get through this. I know, once the kids start to settle into school, and we get a schedule going, it's going to be OK. Thank goodness, that we did most of our "Back to School" shopping, weeks ago. That, plus all of this, might just push me over the edge. Until then, I'm going to curl up, and watch some TV. And eat a little chocolate. Yes, life isn't that bad.

Getting Real

I want to use my blog to be real. It's not going to be a "Sugar Coated" blog. But a place of "real life." Of struggles and triumphs! It's time to get a little real here.

I know what people think. When I say that my husband and I are both doctors, people think we're rich. We have it all. We've never struggled. Life was handed to us. The good life. But the reality is, we've struggled a lot. We've only begun to "enjoy life and our hard work" in the last few years.

Both Patrick and I, come from working class families. When I was younger, I was in band, and later I was on a dance team. I had to do so many fundraisers, to be in those extra curricular activities. My parents worked hard. They provided for their family. But we didn't have a lot of extra money. We didn't go on lots of vacations. Mostly, we went camping. And once, we went on a family vacation.

I wouldn't say that we were poor. Our needs were met. We had enough food. We had everything we needed for school. We got new clothes, twice a year. But there were definitely hand-me-downs. When we became teenagers, my siblings and I all got jobs. We wanted money to spend, so we worked.

When I was really young, I knew I wanted to be a doctor. I knew it would cost a lot of money. I worked the entire time I was in high school. Ya, I spent my money on things like school dances, and clothes. But I saved well over 50% of my money. For college. And when I went to college, I still worked. I used as much of my saved money, as possible. But I did have to take out student loans.

Through college and medical school, I worked. But I still had to take out loans. After medical school, Patrick and I had a combined debt of 6 figures. It scared me to be honest. I saw this debt, and thought, we're never going to have the life, that we want. How are we ever going to pay this back? When?

Lots of thoughts flooded my mind. I felt like I'd never own a home. We'd never be able to have a family. How could we get married? It was a daunting feeling. I'd go to sleep thinking about it. I'd wake up in the morning, still worrying.

When Patrick and I moved, it was tough. We moved to a southwestern state. A border town. The cost of living wasn't too bad. We were both going to be working at the same hospital. We set out. We made our plan, and went for it.

We sold my car. And packed up Patrick's car. We loaded our stuff. Which wasn't much. Let's just be honest. And we drove across the country. I remember our last 2 gas stops. Both Patrick and I were hungry. Our snack supply was dwindling. Our cash was also fading fast. That 2nd to the last stop, we literally pulled out our calculator. Tried to calculate the cost. Wondering if we were actually going to make it. From that point, to the next gas station, I cried. I wasn't sure, if all of this was going to be worth it.

It didn't matter that we had all of this knowledge. Or that Patrick and I were finally going to be "real doctors." It didn't matter. How could it matter, if we couldn't get there. If we didn't have the means to survive. It was a tough road. But Patrick was always positive. Always telling me that we'd find a way.

Patrick and I moved into this teeny, tiny apartment. It was literally 2 rooms, and a bathroom. The rooms were so small! One room was our kitchen/dining room/living room. Big enough for a couch, and little more. The other room, our bedroom. Nothing more than a full-sized bed fit in there. We had a mattress to sleep on, 2 outdoor chairs, 4 bath towels, and miscellaneous supplies. We lived in this place, until I got pregnant.

Our apartment complex was called the "RHH." The Residents' Hell Hole. That wasn't the real name. But that name, that many people gave it. It was nothing but residents and medical students living there. The rent was a few hundred dollars. We had no AC, cable, internet. Heck, we didn't even use the heat in the winter. There were 2 small washers, a dryer, and a clothes line in the renter's office.

For years, we worked. We worked hard. Payed our student loans. Didn't splurge on much. A big date night for us, was going to dinner at Bennigan's, and renting a movie. And that was rare. But our debts, honestly weren't going down. It was disheartening. I started to wonder, was all this education really worth it? I was doing a job that I loved. But I wasn't happy. My financial anchor was killing me. No matter what Patrick said.

Then Patrick took on a job. Working on the border. It was risky. But it definitely paid better. We still worked at the hospital. But Patrick also worked 30 hours a week, doing border work. Soon, we were talking. We wanted to move forward in our lives. Not be these poor residents forever. And I needed to do something. Because I was starting to get depressed.

We decided to start a family. I was about a year from finishing my residency. Patrick was a full on MD. I started to see the light. I got pregnant a few months later. We moved. Funny thing is, we moved to a place were housing was more affordable. Further, but more affordable. We rented a home, from another MD. Patrick and I commuted almost an hour both ways, 7 days a week.

Just 3 months before Ethan was born, I completed my residency. Patrick and I decided that I should take some time off. And that's what I did. He continued to work hard. Patrick was also working research, writing for various publications, anything to keep us afloat.

And here is where I have to stop and say, Thank You! To all of our friends and colleagues. They were so incredibly kind to us. The threw us a baby shower. Helped us, as much as they could. By this point, Patrick and I had finally bought a real bed, we had a cheapo kitchen table and chairs, and we'd even managed to buy some living room furniture. It was used. But it was ours!

For Ethan's nursery, we bought all the furniture from a nurse. I think it cost us $150 for a crib, dresser, changing table, and a rocking chair. Patrick and I splurged, and bought some new sheets for the crib. We bought some very basic supplies. But we were happy.

For the next 3 years, we worked hard to make our life work. Our family had gone from 2 to 4. Soon after Madelyn was born, Patrick and I had a serious conversation. It was time to take a "flying leap." We needed to do better for ourselves. But more importantly, for our kids. Patrick started to research new hospitals, new positions, new possibilities. Patrick wanted better for all of us.

During the time that we were in the southwest, Patrick had worked hard. He'd worked for the positions that he got. He did a lot. So he decided to apply for an incredible job. It was a complete leap of  faith. a "Holy Mary" of sorts.

18 months later, he got the job. And we were moving across the country. We moved to the southeast in January 2007. In about 7 years, Patrick and I had been paying down our debts. We hadn't even paid 5%. It as crazy! We paid above the minimum payment. But it wasn't making much of a difference.

We did 3 things with the incredible signing bonus that Patrick got. We bought a house. A real home. A glorious home! I cried, when we signed the papers. Second, we paid an incredible payment. Let's just say, with one payment, we paid half of our student loans. Which was A LOT! Lastly, Patrick and I finally went on a "Honeymoon." We'd never really traveled before. Our wedding had been tiny. On a "Penny Budget." Our trip to Paris, was magical! And it must have really been. Because that December, Logan was born. :)

I'm happy to say, 4 years later, we're debt free. We own a home on the lake. And our original home. Making Patrick's commute, just minutes. We both were able to purchase new cars. And like they say, we're making our house a home. Buying furniture. And completing our family. Daniella was born just over 2 years ago.

Life has not always been easy for us. There are a lot of things, that I'd like to do differently. If I could just go back in time. But lots of these things, have made us stronger. The tough times, strengthened Patrick and I's relationship. We value our family more than anything in the world!

We've had our times, when we had $5 in the bank, $20 in our pockets, and had to buy food for our kids. There were lots of sleepless nights. We slept on a mattress, on the floor, for years! And shared one car, until after Madelyn was born.

But now, life is starting to calm down. Patrick and I are able to provide for our family. Our kids are able to go to Catholic School. We have 4 college funds going. And we are able to add to them every month. Pretty much, we are a debt free family. It's not always easy. I'd love to take vacations. My dream would be to completely furnish my home, with a decorator. Better yet, to be able to hire Lola to do it.

I'd love for my husband to slow down on his work. To cut down on his hours. But I know, there is a reason for it. We want to provide for our kids. We want them to not have to work as hard as we had to. We're not going to hand our kids everything. But I don't want them to worry about paying for college. Or worrying about their next meal. That's important to me.

Patrick and I want our kids to live safely, and comfortably. To not grow up, wishing that they had been able to be in sports, or a certain activity. We want our kids to have every opportunity that we can provide. That's important.

We've had some pretty low lows. But Patrick and I, well we've worked hard. Hard to dig ourselves out. Hopefully, we'll never have those nights, of going to bed hungry again. Hopefully, I get to be a SAHM until all our kids enter school. It's important to value our family first. All the things we've been through, have definitely been well worth it. At least for Patrick and I. Because now, we have this beautiful family.