Getting Real

I want to use my blog to be real. It's not going to be a "Sugar Coated" blog. But a place of "real life." Of struggles and triumphs! It's time to get a little real here.

I know what people think. When I say that my husband and I are both doctors, people think we're rich. We have it all. We've never struggled. Life was handed to us. The good life. But the reality is, we've struggled a lot. We've only begun to "enjoy life and our hard work" in the last few years.

Both Patrick and I, come from working class families. When I was younger, I was in band, and later I was on a dance team. I had to do so many fundraisers, to be in those extra curricular activities. My parents worked hard. They provided for their family. But we didn't have a lot of extra money. We didn't go on lots of vacations. Mostly, we went camping. And once, we went on a family vacation.

I wouldn't say that we were poor. Our needs were met. We had enough food. We had everything we needed for school. We got new clothes, twice a year. But there were definitely hand-me-downs. When we became teenagers, my siblings and I all got jobs. We wanted money to spend, so we worked.

When I was really young, I knew I wanted to be a doctor. I knew it would cost a lot of money. I worked the entire time I was in high school. Ya, I spent my money on things like school dances, and clothes. But I saved well over 50% of my money. For college. And when I went to college, I still worked. I used as much of my saved money, as possible. But I did have to take out student loans.

Through college and medical school, I worked. But I still had to take out loans. After medical school, Patrick and I had a combined debt of 6 figures. It scared me to be honest. I saw this debt, and thought, we're never going to have the life, that we want. How are we ever going to pay this back? When?

Lots of thoughts flooded my mind. I felt like I'd never own a home. We'd never be able to have a family. How could we get married? It was a daunting feeling. I'd go to sleep thinking about it. I'd wake up in the morning, still worrying.

When Patrick and I moved, it was tough. We moved to a southwestern state. A border town. The cost of living wasn't too bad. We were both going to be working at the same hospital. We set out. We made our plan, and went for it.

We sold my car. And packed up Patrick's car. We loaded our stuff. Which wasn't much. Let's just be honest. And we drove across the country. I remember our last 2 gas stops. Both Patrick and I were hungry. Our snack supply was dwindling. Our cash was also fading fast. That 2nd to the last stop, we literally pulled out our calculator. Tried to calculate the cost. Wondering if we were actually going to make it. From that point, to the next gas station, I cried. I wasn't sure, if all of this was going to be worth it.

It didn't matter that we had all of this knowledge. Or that Patrick and I were finally going to be "real doctors." It didn't matter. How could it matter, if we couldn't get there. If we didn't have the means to survive. It was a tough road. But Patrick was always positive. Always telling me that we'd find a way.

Patrick and I moved into this teeny, tiny apartment. It was literally 2 rooms, and a bathroom. The rooms were so small! One room was our kitchen/dining room/living room. Big enough for a couch, and little more. The other room, our bedroom. Nothing more than a full-sized bed fit in there. We had a mattress to sleep on, 2 outdoor chairs, 4 bath towels, and miscellaneous supplies. We lived in this place, until I got pregnant.

Our apartment complex was called the "RHH." The Residents' Hell Hole. That wasn't the real name. But that name, that many people gave it. It was nothing but residents and medical students living there. The rent was a few hundred dollars. We had no AC, cable, internet. Heck, we didn't even use the heat in the winter. There were 2 small washers, a dryer, and a clothes line in the renter's office.

For years, we worked. We worked hard. Payed our student loans. Didn't splurge on much. A big date night for us, was going to dinner at Bennigan's, and renting a movie. And that was rare. But our debts, honestly weren't going down. It was disheartening. I started to wonder, was all this education really worth it? I was doing a job that I loved. But I wasn't happy. My financial anchor was killing me. No matter what Patrick said.

Then Patrick took on a job. Working on the border. It was risky. But it definitely paid better. We still worked at the hospital. But Patrick also worked 30 hours a week, doing border work. Soon, we were talking. We wanted to move forward in our lives. Not be these poor residents forever. And I needed to do something. Because I was starting to get depressed.

We decided to start a family. I was about a year from finishing my residency. Patrick was a full on MD. I started to see the light. I got pregnant a few months later. We moved. Funny thing is, we moved to a place were housing was more affordable. Further, but more affordable. We rented a home, from another MD. Patrick and I commuted almost an hour both ways, 7 days a week.

Just 3 months before Ethan was born, I completed my residency. Patrick and I decided that I should take some time off. And that's what I did. He continued to work hard. Patrick was also working research, writing for various publications, anything to keep us afloat.

And here is where I have to stop and say, Thank You! To all of our friends and colleagues. They were so incredibly kind to us. The threw us a baby shower. Helped us, as much as they could. By this point, Patrick and I had finally bought a real bed, we had a cheapo kitchen table and chairs, and we'd even managed to buy some living room furniture. It was used. But it was ours!

For Ethan's nursery, we bought all the furniture from a nurse. I think it cost us $150 for a crib, dresser, changing table, and a rocking chair. Patrick and I splurged, and bought some new sheets for the crib. We bought some very basic supplies. But we were happy.

For the next 3 years, we worked hard to make our life work. Our family had gone from 2 to 4. Soon after Madelyn was born, Patrick and I had a serious conversation. It was time to take a "flying leap." We needed to do better for ourselves. But more importantly, for our kids. Patrick started to research new hospitals, new positions, new possibilities. Patrick wanted better for all of us.

During the time that we were in the southwest, Patrick had worked hard. He'd worked for the positions that he got. He did a lot. So he decided to apply for an incredible job. It was a complete leap of  faith. a "Holy Mary" of sorts.

18 months later, he got the job. And we were moving across the country. We moved to the southeast in January 2007. In about 7 years, Patrick and I had been paying down our debts. We hadn't even paid 5%. It as crazy! We paid above the minimum payment. But it wasn't making much of a difference.

We did 3 things with the incredible signing bonus that Patrick got. We bought a house. A real home. A glorious home! I cried, when we signed the papers. Second, we paid an incredible payment. Let's just say, with one payment, we paid half of our student loans. Which was A LOT! Lastly, Patrick and I finally went on a "Honeymoon." We'd never really traveled before. Our wedding had been tiny. On a "Penny Budget." Our trip to Paris, was magical! And it must have really been. Because that December, Logan was born. :)

I'm happy to say, 4 years later, we're debt free. We own a home on the lake. And our original home. Making Patrick's commute, just minutes. We both were able to purchase new cars. And like they say, we're making our house a home. Buying furniture. And completing our family. Daniella was born just over 2 years ago.

Life has not always been easy for us. There are a lot of things, that I'd like to do differently. If I could just go back in time. But lots of these things, have made us stronger. The tough times, strengthened Patrick and I's relationship. We value our family more than anything in the world!

We've had our times, when we had $5 in the bank, $20 in our pockets, and had to buy food for our kids. There were lots of sleepless nights. We slept on a mattress, on the floor, for years! And shared one car, until after Madelyn was born.

But now, life is starting to calm down. Patrick and I are able to provide for our family. Our kids are able to go to Catholic School. We have 4 college funds going. And we are able to add to them every month. Pretty much, we are a debt free family. It's not always easy. I'd love to take vacations. My dream would be to completely furnish my home, with a decorator. Better yet, to be able to hire Lola to do it.

I'd love for my husband to slow down on his work. To cut down on his hours. But I know, there is a reason for it. We want to provide for our kids. We want them to not have to work as hard as we had to. We're not going to hand our kids everything. But I don't want them to worry about paying for college. Or worrying about their next meal. That's important to me.

Patrick and I want our kids to live safely, and comfortably. To not grow up, wishing that they had been able to be in sports, or a certain activity. We want our kids to have every opportunity that we can provide. That's important.

We've had some pretty low lows. But Patrick and I, well we've worked hard. Hard to dig ourselves out. Hopefully, we'll never have those nights, of going to bed hungry again. Hopefully, I get to be a SAHM until all our kids enter school. It's important to value our family first. All the things we've been through, have definitely been well worth it. At least for Patrick and I. Because now, we have this beautiful family.